Burglar And Idiot Proof

Last night I had dinner at my cousin Deana's house. It was the first time I had been to her new place and in addition to the great meal, I loved her house; a retro, Craftsman style bungalow with so many architectural elements, I was getting more jealous with the fabulousness of it all with each step I took, as she guided me through each room.

At the end of the night, she said "Come with me for a minute," as she stepped onto the front porch. She wanted to show me some twinkly garden lights or something. Seeing the bugs flying around the porch light, I pulled the door behind me and followed her out.

As she heard the click of the door, she whipped around and said, "You didn't just close the door, did you??"

"Uh, yeah, I did."

"Shit. We're locked out."

"What do you mean we're locked out??"

"We're locked out. That door automatically locks when it shuts."

Brilliant design, don't you think?? But, since I never panic in these situations, I'm thinking, no problem, we'll just pry open a window.

We head into the basement (which, no, does not connect to upstairs) to look for some tools to get into the house with. I find a skinny, cro-bar looking thing and I'm figuring I could just slip it between the old fashioned window frame and Voila!, pop it open.

After a half hour of circling the house and trying every window, door and small crack, I decided we couldn't get in. Which, on one hand is a good thing, because if we can't get in, then a burglar can't easily get in either; at least not without breaking a window first.

Happy with that revelation, we almost forgot we were outside. At eleven thirty at night. With no rescue in sight.

Her boyfriend wouldn't be home from work until two in the morning, there are no Starbucks open at this hour and unfortunately, the only late night places in this town are Denny's or Village Inn, and who wants to sit in Denny's for two and half hours?? After a brief discussion, we decide to head back up to my Mom's house and then I'd just drive her home in a few hours. Not ideal, but really, what's the alternative?

On the way out of her driveway, I called my mother to let her know what happened and that we were coming up to the house. She immediately says, "Well doesn't she have an extra set of keys?"

"No Mom, we're locked out."

"But she doesn't have an extra set of keys? Not even a spare hidden somewhere??"

Yes, mother, she has a spare set of keys but we're just not using them. We decided it would be much more fun to drive around till two in the morning with our eyeballs hanging on a thread because we're both exhausted.

"Mom," I say annoyed, "if she HAD an extra set of keys, do you THINK we'd be driving up to your house??? No. We'd be going back into the house!" Am I the only one in this conversation understanding this?

Once at my Mom's, we had several cups of tea (mostly to keep my cousin awake) and talked and laughed until it was finally time to get back to her place and meet her boyfriend when he got home from work. I had never met this boyfriend and wasn't too thrilled that this was the way I was going to be doing it. In a dark parking lot at two in the morning, which lipgloss that I'd had on since five that evening. How was I going to make a good impression now??? My eyelids were practically slits on the drive back down there!

Everything went very smoothly as I knew it would and we actually arrived just in time to catch him leaning against the car, smoking a cigarette. I pulled up, looked at him, and before I even said hello, blurted out, "I have two words for you."

"Uh, I mean three words...Hide. A. Key."

Shit, what an idiot he's going to think I am. First, I can't get into his house, now I can't count.

Welcome to the Family.