Phone Calls And Fellatio

One of my biggest pet peeves are people who don't return phone calls.

Actually, it's more than a pet peeve; it's enough to make me want to end a friendship, disown a family member or not patronize a business.

Why? Because there IS NO EXCUSE. Not ONE.

Well, unless when I called, you were bleeding from a massive head wound and couldn't get to the phone because the blood was steadily flowing into your eyes, causing temporary blindness. That's almost the only good reason. And even then, I would expect you to call me back once you got your head bandaged.

I don't think I can express how much this irritates me. People use shit ass excuses; busy with work, family, life, etc. Well, that's just crap. I work. I have a family. I have a life. AND often, I am in more than one time zone in a day and I make time to call.

There is just nothing you can be doing that doesn't afford a break to make a phone call. I can understand if you were an astronaut and you were in space, but you're not. If you work outside of the home, you have a lunch hour or drive to/from work - call then. If you're a stay at home mom, then you're home. If you're doing chores, call after the spin cycle. If you have kids, they most likely have school, right? They have to sleep, don't they? Call then.

Here are some of the excuses I've heard for not calling back:

I've been out all day running errands. (You have a cell phone, right?? Call while you're driving.)

I've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to call. (Busy doing what? You don't even have a job.)

I didn't hear the phone. (But you did eventually reunite with your phone and look at it, didn't you? I know you can see I called.)

I guess there is something wrong with my voicemail. I didn't get your message. (But again, you can see I called, right?)

The kids had to go to basketball or soccer or dance or swimming or whatever. (Okaaaaay....and how does that hinder your ability to use a phone?)

Um, I DO have a job you know. (This is intended to imply that I don't really have a job because my job isn't like their job. Since my job affords me more freedom, I should understand that their job somehow prevents them from calling. Which of course is pure bullshit because I, too, once had a job like that and I still made time to call people back.)

Most of the above examples are from friends or family. People who are supposed to want to talk to me; or at least they want to when they need something. Then they know how to call.

As for businesses that don't return phone calls? Well, they don't get my business. If I call a business to ask a question about a product or service and they don't call me back, either at all or within a reasonable time frame, I'll go somewhere else. Period. There are too many options out there to be waiting on anyone to call me back.

Perhaps I should employ that same tactic with friends and family. You don't call me, I don't call you. I really don't need your friendship if you don't feel it's important enough to maintain it. The people who have been in my life the longest maintain contact with me, whether by email or with phone calls. On Sunday, I got birthday phone calls/messages from two people who I haven't physically seen for over five years; yet they remembered my birthday. They also call, email or text on a regular basis. And they both have jobs, children and lives. Gee, how ever do they fit it in??

When someone tells me they "didn't have time to call," I usually tell them this: If the President of the United States found time for a blow-job, YOU can find time to return a phone call.